board shorts and flip flops

i've been waiting for fall to come for forever now
because i've been stuck in a never ending summer.
in my mind time hasn't changed - it's held still and frozen in memories.
memories of board shorts and flip flops.
snow cones and hikes in the mountains.
early morning bike rides and late night walks in the park.
waking up to the sunrise and falling asleep under the stars.
movie marathons and days at lagoon.
drives up the canyon and tender kisses in the rain.
photo shoots at the lake and 3 am phone calls to just say "i love you."
holding you in my arms and never wanting to let you go.

but blocking out all these memories, is the last one i ever had with you.
the one where you gave me one last hug and said goodbye.
got in your yellow bug that had that red daisy hanging from the rear view mirror.
you backed out of my driveway and started to drive.
our eyes met for one last second
like 2 daggers straight to my heart.
before i knew it

you were gone.

and time stood still.

-chase armstrong

a mess of broken hearts and love notes

i think i'm in love with love.
but i think i hate love too.
i guess i wouldn't know though because i don't think i've been in love before.
i thought i was once.
but they say if you have to think about it even a little bit then it's not love.
but since i let that one slip through my fingers i haven't found anything that compares.
some have been close.
but they also say close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades.
who said that anyways?
funny how i'm only 18 with my whole life ahead of me and my biggest fear is not finding love.
i feel like there's an emptiness inside me that can't be filled.
how cliche.
was that cliche?
what exactly is a cliche..?

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i look at the stars and dream of someone to hold.
she's resting her head on my chest and her hair tickles my nose.
it's okay though because in that moment all i can hear is her gentle breathing.
i gently press my lips to her hair and i know that no matter what everything will be ok.
because we have each other.
i look at the sunset and dream of someone to laugh with.
she's holding my hand and turns and smiles at me in a way that gives me butterflies every time.
i just stop to take in the moment and let the memory last forever in a mental snapshot.
i look in the mirror and dream of someone to love.
she'll wrap her hands around me from behind as i'm at the sink looking in the mirror.
the stress will dissipate because in that moment she holds me tight.
and her embrace is all i need to know that everything will be alright.

so am i depressed or am i in love?
these dreams i have are just that-dreams.
nothing more than a mental image of what i want.
but i'm held back by a wall of insecurities and a lack of confidence.
doubts. fears. anxieties.
you only get married once, right?
8 billion people in the world and i'm supposed to find one.
ya those odds are freaking awesome.
i stress because i've got one shot to get it right.
so what if i think i'm in love but i'm not?
what if i am in love but i don't know it?
or what if i've met the one and didn't do anything about it and now she's gone?

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love is breakfast in bed.
love is a four hour phone call.
love is an hour car ride to see them for 10 minutes.
love is nervous clammy hands.
love is butterflies in your stomach.
love is silent moments that aren't awkward.
love is silent moments that ARE awkward.
love is a gentle kiss on the forehead.
love is a walk in the rain.
love is staying in on the weekend to just talk.

love is something that i can't explain.
love is something i haven't found.

but i want it.

-Lloyd Dobler (aka) Chase Armstrong