He Is Waiting

Hot tears sting dry cheeks as I sit alone in my driver’s seat.

The cool, dark night is quiet.

Anger. Sorrow. Guilt. Pain.

It all weighs down on my shoulders.

Stacked so carefully. So fragile.

The slightest shift in my burdens could bring everything crashing down.

Leaving me at the bottom of the pile.

My mind is racing as I ask myself the same questions over and over and over.

Like a broken record.

Why is this happening? What did I do? Why is this happening? What did I do?

Every natural instinct inside of me is telling me to find the quick fix.

I mean, that’s what I should do, right?

Find something to numb the pain for now.

And when it comes back just carry out the process again.

Like washing your hands.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

And it doesn’t matter who you hurt as long as you’re okay.

At least that’s what I’ve heard they all say.

An hour has passed and I still haven’t moved.

Maybe if I sit here in the same spot and hold my breath somehow time will stand still.

But it doesn’t.

I feel empty.

I know there is a God.

And a Savior too.

But where are They now?

Why have They left me when I needed them most?

I’m scared.

Why me?

What did I do to deserve this?

I keep asking question after question

Then I stop for a moment.

Who am I asking?

I want all these answers and all this help yet up until now I haven’t said much of anything to my Father above.

The cogs and gears slowly turn in my head

And I try to remember the last time I prayed before going to bed?

Or prayed at all for that matter.

When’s the last time I thanked him for my life?

For my family?

Or simply for the day?

I’d been so caught up in the world.

So focused on me.

I ignored all that I’d learned each and every Sunday.

And to make matters worst

I’d shrugged off my scriptures too.

Left them under me bed to collect dust.

Right next to the box of old clothes and that binder full of football cards.

Another hour has passed but I feel I’ve found something worth my weight in gold!

The cure to all my feelings of anger and pain.

And for the first time in a long time

I bow my head.

Say hello to my Father.

And tell him I’m ready to change.

What I felt next was so perfect.

So pure.

My Savior’s arms were wrapped around me and I knew He was always there.

It was me who had strayed and fell away from His grasp.

But He had always stayed and waited for me to come back.

His scarred hands were outstretched this whole time!

But I was too blinded and too proud to see that they were so close to mine.

Now the road to change our lives isn’t an easy one.

But through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, anything can be done.

No matter what we do, Christ is there for us all.

Calm and patient He waits to catch us when we fall.

-Elder Armstrong