i thought it’d get easier

I thought it’d get easier.

Late nights in the water.

Laughs shared between us and the stars.

Like ice - slowly melting away

I fade from your mind.

I thought it’d get easier.

Nostalgic visions of our hands clasped on the beach flood my senses.

It’s euphoric.

I can feel my heart begin to beat faster and faster.

Sweaty palms. Cold fingers.

Your breath on my neck is almost as real now as it was then -

But it’s not.

I’ve become an all too frequent victim of a vivid imagination.

I thought it’d get easier.

Perhaps I’m just naive.

Or maybe you really are just that “busy” -

And the man in my mind that’s whisking you away in his arms is just that -

In my mind.

It doesn’t get easier.

Because each time I catch feelings,

I’m more prone to catch them again.

And again.

And again.

Like a wave - I’m pulled from the shore and washed out in the excitement.

Floating.

Swimming.

The ocean seems to go on forever.

Yet, the smiles vanish as reality quickly comes back into view -

our wave of romance spits me up and leaves me back on the shore where i started.

It will never get easier.

Yet nothing worth having will ever come easy.

My only fear is that I don’t know how many more waves i can ride,

Until my heart finally breaks for good.