an overdue thank you note

Dear Mr. Nelson,

it's funny how much influence one person can have on you.
the masked man known as "Harold Miner" has impacted my life more than I think he'll ever know.

yes, I'm talking about you Kyle.
(by the way i don't think i ever asked, but is it cool if i call you that?)

but really.
your class gave me the opportunity to show my true colors.
the opportunity to come out of hiding, if you would.
a heartbroken and nervous 'has been' of a guy put his pen to the paper and fell in love with words and writing.

i finally had a way to express all of my pent up feelings.
Lloyd Dobler became my everything.
i clung to every one of my blog's comments like my life depended on them.

the approval of others is all i've ever wanted, and i'd finally gotten it.

but the best was from you, Nelson.
the master mind of this organization.
just simple phrases like "powerful" or "#stolen" meant the world to me.

i miss it man, i really do.
i feel like these posts are useless if you never see them.
is it weird that i'm upset that you never use my stuff as an example for your class?
i mean i did get top fived like three times so i thought i was doing what you wanted...

maybe one day i'll be up there with the greats.
dick tidrow.
esther greenword.
charlotte charles.
maybe...

i just want you to tell me that i made it.
tell me that i can come back and visit paris whenever i'd like.
tell me that i wasn't a tourist.

i sound pitiful don't i?
poor picked upon lloyd.

i think i'm just scared. scared and upset.

scared of moving on with life.
college.
bills.
marriage.
its all so stressful.

and im upset with myself.
high school is almost over and i wish i would've done more.
wish i would've had more fun.
wish i would've dated more girls.
wish i would've choked down my fear instead of letting it suffocate me for the last 3 years.

i'm rambling now.
but really all i want to say is thank you.
thanks for the class.
for taking the time to read what i wrote.
the comments.
the youtube clips.
the outbursts in class about how everyone hated your class and how you were a horrible teacher (honestly...i think you knew we all loved it. you just wanted the reassurance of it though right?)

i think you and me are kind of alike...just wanting to fit in.
acting as if nothing matters on the outside.
but on the inside we're just peaking through our fingers in fear of all the people and their opinions.

but i digress.
just know you helped me get through some tough stuff man.
you made me excited to get up and go to school.
you have SO MUCH influence on us, your students, and i dunno if you know that.
but we all look up to you man.
or at least i did.

so again, thanks for everything.
i'll see you in paris.

Sincerely,

Lloyd Dobler