Heart Attack

Feelings of blue come rushing in

Your tide is pulling me out again

All i want to do is just fade away

Find different colors than blue and gray.

How many times can I get hurt?

Each time it gets a little worst.

It’s always bright right at the start

But now I’m sitting here in the dark.

You walked out on me

And i sat patiently

You said it would all workout

Feelings of hope, have turned to doubt

So I’ll, cry, tears each night

And I’ll, buy, one more flight

And maybe

I won’t come back.

Anything’s better

Than a heart attack.

What I would give to see your eyes

Wanting to call but my tongue is tied

Can’t see another pic of you with him

how much longer can i hold this in?

Keep waking up cold and alone

Days keeping coming and then they go

Telling everyone I’m doing fine

Truth is i can’t get you off my mind

You walked out on me

And i sat patiently

You said it would all workout

Feelings of hope, have turned to doubt.

So I’ll, cry, tears each night

And I’ll, buy, one more flight

And maybe

I won’t come back.

Anything’s better

Than a heart attack.

Can’t keep on carrying this weight.

Just wanna smile that isn’t fake.

I, cried, tears last night

And i, bought, one last flight

And maybe

I won’t come back.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

again.

She left today.

But she said it wasn’t my fault.

The classic line that quickly slips from the lips of one,

And falls like dagger into the heart of another.

You could hear a pin drop in the driver’s seat,

As the sirens go off inside my mind.

It’s all too familiar.

Quick to trust.

Quick to love.

Only to have the bubble of my blonde haired future popped by the sharp reality that love only exists in the movies.

For what feels like the 100th time now I thought I found the one.

Vanilla lace fills my nose.

Her lips stole the breath from my chest.

And her smile was so bright that,

If we let it,

It could brighten the darkest of days in this world.

A 5’ 4” angel who hates olives and lasagna,

Came into my life and reminded me what it feels like to be happy.

And ask quickly as she came,

She left.

Haunted by the demons that pock mark her past,

It all was too much for her to handle.

And now i wait.

Praying she returns.

Hoping that one day we’ll be hand in hand again

While the cutest laugh I’ve heard echoes through my ears.

i thought it’d get easier

I thought it’d get easier.

Late nights in the water.

Laughs shared between us and the stars.

Like ice - slowly melting away

I fade from your mind.

I thought it’d get easier.

Nostalgic visions of our hands clasped on the beach flood my senses.

It’s euphoric.

I can feel my heart begin to beat faster and faster.

Sweaty palms. Cold fingers.

Your breath on my neck is almost as real now as it was then -

But it’s not.

I’ve become an all too frequent victim of a vivid imagination.

I thought it’d get easier.

Perhaps I’m just naive.

Or maybe you really are just that “busy” -

And the man in my mind that’s whisking you away in his arms is just that -

In my mind.

It doesn’t get easier.

Because each time I catch feelings,

I’m more prone to catch them again.

And again.

And again.

Like a wave - I’m pulled from the shore and washed out in the excitement.

Floating.

Swimming.

The ocean seems to go on forever.

Yet, the smiles vanish as reality quickly comes back into view -

our wave of romance spits me up and leaves me back on the shore where i started.

It will never get easier.

Yet nothing worth having will ever come easy.

My only fear is that I don’t know how many more waves i can ride,

Until my heart finally breaks for good.